Caution! Water Is Wet!

As I was enjoying my frappucino the other day, I noticed something written on the straw wrapper:



Did I read that correctly?

I would’ve thought that anyone above the age of, oh, I dunno… five, would have the common sense not to sip a hot liquid through a straw.

Honestly, anyone of sound mind and body who, of their own volition, uses a straw to drink a hot beverage deserves to have their tongue and throat burnt.

But I suppose after the infamous lawsuit that resulted in dire warnings on paper coffee cups all over the world, common sense has had to take a backseat to litigation risk.

Since then, we’ve seen similar messages on packets of peanuts and bottles of peanut oil, warning the litigious consumer that the clearly labelled peanut product he or she has picked off the shelf, may contain nuts.

Nobody is disputing the fact that peanut allergies can be fatal, but I have enough faith in my fellow consumer, both allergy-ridden and allergy-free, to have the minimum number of grey cells required to comprehend that a packet of peanuts, would presumably, contain nuts.

The risk of litigation, then, must be the Voldermort in the retail food industry, for how else would you explain this:

Since this is the path mankind has decided to take, I humbly propose a few other warnings that would ideally serve to protect the rights of all parties concerned:

  1. On a sign by the seaside and in public toilets all over the world: “Caution: Water is wet”
  2. On a sign by the diving board of a swimming pool: “Warning: Jumping off will result in rapid downward descent”
  3. On a durian: “Warning: Remove skin before consuming”
  4. On a packet of frozen meatballs: “Caution: Do not consume if allergic to horses”

That should cover most of it.

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