Conversations With Hatta: Stuck

The conversations are imaginary, but the situations are real. 

 

Hatta:   Mummy, the cot shrank.

Me:        Don’t be silly, Hatta. Cots don’t shrink.

Hatta:   Ok. I grew larger, then.

Me:        You’re constantly growing, Hatta.

Hatta:   No, I mean like, really grew. Like that girl Alicia in Fairyland. When she ate that little cake and grew taller and taller. Did you feed me some enchanted cake last night? I swear dinner last night tasted odd.

Me:        You mean Alice In Wonderland, and no, I did not feed you any cake last night. Don’t be ridiculous.

Hatta:   Hmmm. Curiouser and curiouser! So cots don’t shrink, then?

Me:        No, they don’t.

Hatta:   Are you sure?

Me:        Yes, I’m very sure.

Hatta:   Then by process of elimination, I can only conclude that I’ve drastically grown overnight. I’m sorry to break it to you like this, Mummy, but I’m a baby giant.

Me:        Stop telling tall tales, Hatta.

Hatta:   Lame, Mummy. Lame.

Me:        Heh heh sorry… I couldn’t help myself.

Hatta:   I’m serious, Mummy… I’ve gone through some sort of growth spurt… I’m stuck.

Me:        Stuck?

Hatta:   Could you please come over and have a look at what I’m trying to tell you?

Me:        Oh alright… if it’ll make you stop all this baby giant nonsense…

(I walk towards his cot.)

Hatta:   Fee fi fo fum! I smell the blood of an irritated mum…

Me:        Stop it, Hatta.

(I reach his cot.)

Me:        (laughs) Oh dear… what’s happened here?

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Hatta:   See? I told you. I grew into a baby giant overnight and now I’m stuck. Do you believe me now?

Me:        You are not a baby giant. You simply rotated and got yourself stuck, that’s all. You have outgrown this cot, though. We need to get the extension pretty soon.

Hatta:   Huh? That’s it? Are you sure I’m not a baby giant, Mummy?

Me:        Very sure.

Hatta:   We don’t live atop a magic beanstalk?

Me:        No, we don’t.

Hatta:   Ugh. How boring.

 

Conversations With Hatta: Red Light

The conversations are imaginary, but the situations are real. 

 

Hatta:   Mummy, there’s something wrong with the car. We’re not moving.

Me:        There’s nothing wrong with the car, Hatta.

Hatta:   I’m telling you, Mummy, there’s something wrong. Wait.. all the other cars are stuck here too… OH MY GOD IT’S THE END OF THE WORLDDDDDD WE’RE ALL DOOOOOOMED HELP HELP HELP

Me:        Hatta, we’re at a red light. We’re supposed to stop. Everyone’s supposed to stop. Calm yourself down.

Hatta:   NOOOO WE’RE ALL DOOOOOMED FOREVERRRR-eh… we’re moving again! Thank heavens. We’ve been saved!

Me:        The traffic light turned green, Hatta. So we can go.

Hatta:   IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AGAIN HELP HELP HELPPPPPPPPPP

Me:        Are you going to do this at every red traffic light?

Hatta:   IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW ITTTTTTTTT

Me:        Oh good grief.

Conversations With Hatta: The Appetiser

The conversations are imaginary, but the situations are real. 

 

Hatta:   Mummy, what’s this new appetiser on the menu? It’s delicious. I love it.

Me:        That’s your fist, Hatta. Please stop shoving it into your mouth.

Hatta:   (muffled) mmmmmfffhhhhhmmm yum.

Conversations With Hatta: Service Here Is Terrible

The conversations are imaginary, but the situations are real. 

Me:        Gooooood morning Hatta bear!

Hatta:   Good morning Mummy. I’m hungry.

Me:        Did you have a good night’s sleep?

Hatta:   Yes I did, Mummy, thank you. I’m hungry. Feed me, please.

Me:        Did you have sweet dreams?

Hatta:   Not really, Mummy. Even if I did, I don’t remember them. Are you going to pick me up any time soon? My stomach’s growling.

Me:        Did you dream of unicorns and rainbows? Or of tractors and dinosaurs?

Hatta:   Neither. Mummy I’M FAMISHED PICK ME UP PLEASE AND FEED ME.

Me:        Did you dream of dinosaurs sliding down rainbows? Or of unicorns driving tractors through meadows? Leprechauns and pots of gold?

Hatta:   MUMMY STOP TALKING AND PICK ME UP NOW NOW NOW FEED ME NOW I’M HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYY

Me:        (Picking Hatta up) Oooooh aren’t we a cranky Hatta bear this morning? Not much of a conversationalist are you, Hatta?

Hatta:   The service here is terrible. I wish I could eat elsewhere.

Me:        Too bad, Hatta bear. You have a six-month exclusive contract with me, with an option to extend to two years. You’ll just have to learn to be a bit patient sometimes.

Hatta:   Sigh. The future looks bleak.

 

Conversations With Hatta: The Bad Dream

The conversations are imaginary, but the situations are real. 

 

Hatta:   (wakes up crying) MUMMYYYYYYY!!!

Me:        What is it? What’s wrong, Hatta?

Hatta:   I had a horrible dream! I dreamt that it was the US Presidential Elections, and that Donald Trump won!

Me:        You weren’t dreaming, Hatta. That really happened. Don’t you remember? We were watching the news together.

Hatta:   So it wasn’t a nightmare then?

Me:        Oh but it is, Hatta. It is.